Look, can we talk about Kangaroos for a minute?

roo

This is Australia’s most iconic animal emblem, the Red Kangaroo, Macropus rufus. An adult male Red roo can grow to be 85kg (which is pretty big for a marsupial) and around 1.5m long (3m if you count the tail). That’s around 190lb and 8 feet (4 without the tail) in length. Also, they’re ripped as, and they all basically look like they should have Southern Cross tattoos on their arms or backs, and their hands have long freaky fingers that make them look like they’re holding huge spiders. They balance on their tails so if you get too close to them they can kick you with both legs to disembowel you with their toenails. I am not making any of this up.

Check this guy out, he’s a bull Red kangaroo.

Also, because they’re used to living on the continent that also produced Thylacines, death adders, and Pauline Hanson, they need to be able to defend themselves using deadly force. So when something threatens them, they try to drown it.

And finally, female kanagroos have three vaginas, two of which lead to uteruses, and one which is used for birthing. Male kangaroos can move their jingly bits around at will, and they usually keep their bait and tackle sucked up into their cloaca (or “clacker”, in Australian)

Kangaroos are great.

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